Roaring Twenties?

 As I write this blog,

It’s a chilly Saturday night in Bangalore. It’s December, the weather is beautiful, the air is crisp and there is laughter and commotion all around. I lit my favourite cigarette, Mixpod and poured myself a nice cold glass of Smirnoff, listening to Running Up That Hill. Just finished an extremely busy week at work which comprises of my leaving for the gym at 6 am and heading to my internship, where I spend the next 12 hours of my day. Come back, exhausted of course, to complete whatever pending miscellaneous work is left.

I’m 22, young by most estimates, but I feel old. Old because I’m at the age where my friends are now preoccupied in competing in the same rate race and don’t have the time to hang out and rendezvous like we used to. Old because every time I go out now, I have to count the pennies as I have to be responsible for my own expenditure. Old because I’m at the age where all my connections and people I meet judge me on my professional and social standing and expect big things from me.

Mind you, I spent my 20 and 21 locked up in lockdown. Life now is independent and interesting and exposes me to all the world's wonders, meeting amazing people along the way. I call the current phase of my life the ‘parachute phase’. Parachute why? Because I have to work and make a name for myself while still having the safety net of my family. This phase is beautiful but there is an overarching feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness, for me is what scares me the very most, and it’s a feeling many my age are slowly getting accustomed to. Loneliness here doesn’t mean isolation and being a recluse but feeling alone in our struggles to tackle our hurdles. Our parents, as wonderful as they are, can’t relate to our social dilemmas like friends and friends are now caught up in their own battles. What about relationships? Definitely, a significant other or partner will help you through these fleeting feelings of loneliness and indeed, it does. But dating in 2022 is somewhat myopic. We live in an era where relationships are all quid pro quo and based on the very concept of putting yourself first and how you stand in society. So finding that perfect partner is an exercise in itself.

I meet so many lovely people every day; at college, at work, at the club and t the gym, but man, this just doesn’t click or give me that social satiation I used to feel a few years ago. Perhaps COVID had something to do with this?

The folks of my age in lockdown were rushed up the social maturity ladder, realising the bitter truth that everyone truly and wholeheartedly cares about themselves. But this realisation killed the selfless and blatantly approachable nature of our youth that resulted in the loss of what would have been so many happy and fun memories.

2022 was a wonderfully beautiful and eye-opening year for me. I started doing better, looking fitter, experiencing new things, gaining more independence and meeting so many people. But I feel a tinge of loneliness as this year comes to a close. I feel my life is like a single-serving meal you are served on an aeroplane. People and memories all come in fleeting moments, and I just wish they were more steadfast.

But maybe the heyday of my life is just approaching, and the success and abundance of that depend on the work I put in during these years. I feel a rare feeling of over-enthusiasm that I have never felt before. It's like the horizon is right about the corner, and I just have to put my foot on the gas. Life is beautiful, and the happy moments of life only have greater meaning when you understand yourself during periods of silence and loneliness.

Anyway, that’s enough with my rant, time to go clean my room and watch The Great Gatsby.